Max: This Is A True Story

The pain was greater than anything he had ever experienced. It was greater than the pain from the bullet that had torn through his knee back in the war. Greater than when his lung had collapsed in mid-heart attack. It felt as if his soul was being torn from his body, which is all well and good as it was.

Just when he was ready to beg God, Buddha, Krishna, anyone to blank him into non-existance rather than to feel that pain one millisecond longer, it was over. The next thing he knew, he was standing before... well, the only thing he could call it was "God". That silly little three letter word was an utterly unapt a description of the infinity that sat smiling before him. He could only hope that it would let the slight go.

"I'm here," he said to everything. "I'm in... heaven," another meagre, unfit word.

"Yup," it said.

"I get to spend infinity, worshiping your very presence," he said, knowing that it would be bliss. Hell, bliss seemed like a bucket of day old spit by comparison to the prospect.

"Nah," it said.

"Oh," he said. "I'm... going to the other place?" He looked at it and he knew he deserved damnation. These mere minutes spent in it's presence were far more of a reward that he could have hoped for. He was ready to accept it's judgment.

"Nah," it said.

"Oh...kay. Then, what?" He asked, hoping it would not take offense.

"Well, the thing is, I created the universe for two reasons. One, I thought it would be a laugh to watch. Two, I thought it would be pretty cool to have my creation worshiping me for eternity. So, the universe part of it worked out great. It is a real hoot. But the eternal worship thing was just kind of annoying. It got so bad that it was distracting me from watching the universe. So, I decided to just start blanking you guys out. Nothing personal."

"You son of a..." was all he got out before he ceased to be. Somewhere, well, everywhere, infinity chuckled.

True story.