Jericho: Oh yeah?? Well I'll show you some jolly grumble, grumble grunt!!!
I think I finally figured this one out. You've heard the old saw about fat people being jolly, I'm sure. And, I'll admit to being both fat and jolly most of the time. I have a good sense of humor and I'm easy to get along with - I spout all of my negativeness on a blog where it can only hurt my readers; the poor, disrespected yet returning and willing victims that they are.
But, I have figured out why fat people are jolly. It has something to do with satisfaction. The jolly fat guy has been for years eating all he wants. He has a full belly, which, let's face it, is the basis of happiness for most animals. Let our cat's food dish get a little low and the whole neighborhood knows - one of our cats meows about the situation until you refill the dish, or at least shake it so the little hole they have dug to the bottom doesn't show anymore.
The jolly fat guy wears loose, comfy clothing. He has to wear loose clothing or else he starts to do plumber's crack, belly reveals, pants ripping, etc. Fat people who do not dress in loose clothing are in denial and are usually not of that jolly breed.
And maybe that's the key: acceptance. The jolly fat guy knows he's fat. He wears loose, comfortable clothing. Does he go clothes shopping at the mall? Heck no! The mall doesn't have clothes in his size anyway. Catalogs of big clothes at low prices come to him a couple times a month. Heck, if he gets too big he can order a tent from L. L. Bean - and they will replace it for free for life! He always has food in him or near him. Pizza, Chinese and Sandwich places that deliver are usually the first numbers on his speed dial. Sweating at the gym? Nope! He's home munching on chips and watching That 70's Show. Anyone would be jolly in this state!
But, take it all away, take away the food, take away the clothes, take away his ability to function sexually, take away Hide, Donna and Eric and put his flabby ass on a tread mill and what do you get? Well, trust me, Mr. Jolly is fucking well gone! All that satisfaction bleeds right off. You are left with a sweating, gibbering mess munching on a carrot wondering if he will actually survive all of this to get thin. Looking to the day when he can drop the diet and have a potato chip. Low-carb, low-fat, fuck all that - he'd just like a little time not involved with either being at work, doing stupid exercises or trying to worm his way out of both.
Wanna know how to make a fat guy even less jolly? How about having to wait in line in a gym? Getting lapped by old women on the walking track will do it. Group showers in the guy's locker room will probably embarrass the crap out of him. Then there's the people at work that start to notice things - always there with friendly advice; "You should work out more!" "Try to eat fewer sweets." "Go organic!" "You should get that tape I saw on teevee!"
No, the truth of the matter is that the jolly fat man is merely a myth. The jolly fat man actually found a path to happiness that hurts no one, heck, one fat guy can keep a whole load of businesses from going broke! But, society and mother nature have conspired against him. He will either buy it at an early age from a heart attack or he will buckle down, get on the tread mill and become just another unhappy, pissed off asshole like the rest of you!
Comments
Laura @ 8:38PM | January 15th 2004|
Why on EARTH do you spell out TV? Teevee just looks weird. But, I guess this IS Irate Weirds, so maybe it works...
Jericho @ 10:27PM | January 15th 2004|
Every other spelling of teevee is annoying. The worst part is that it's a crappy abrieviation. Television is not two words. One wouldn't shorten Telecommunications to T.C.
So, I'm hoping to encourage others to use teevee as a name for the device. Why not? It's better than spelling out television. It's funny sounding and looking and everyone knows what it means.
Max Dobberstein @ 11:05PM | January 15th 2004|
I prefer Videradio.
Laura @ 2:33AM | January 17th 2004|
However, TV it just two letters whereas teevee is six. It's easier to type, so I don't think your version will catch on. Sorry, dude.
BTW, so far as your rant, I've never had the acutal impression that fat men are jolly. I've always thought of them as more grouchy and lazy. Until I met Max and you, anyway. Sure the grouchy and lazy still come thorugh now and then, but now I know there's more to a fat man than that.
It probably comes from my grandparents. My father's father was fat and a lazy jerk according to my dad (I never knew the guy). He would make his wife tie his shoes for him and wouldn't clean anything around the house. He had a real temper and threw things across the room at the drop of a hat.
So, anyway, I'm one person who never went for that whole "Santa Claus" view of fat guys.
Jericho @ 12:13PM | January 17th 2004|
Excellent! Fat men are pissed and we're out for blood!
Or a fresh donut!!!
Max Dobberstein @ 12:57AM | January 19th 2004|
Don't be pissing on my blood donuts!
But, I have figured out why fat people are jolly. It has something to do with satisfaction. The jolly fat guy has been for years eating all he wants. He has a full belly, which, let's face it, is the basis of happiness for most animals. Let our cat's food dish get a little low and the whole neighborhood knows - one of our cats meows about the situation until you refill the dish, or at least shake it so the little hole they have dug to the bottom doesn't show anymore.
The jolly fat guy wears loose, comfy clothing. He has to wear loose clothing or else he starts to do plumber's crack, belly reveals, pants ripping, etc. Fat people who do not dress in loose clothing are in denial and are usually not of that jolly breed.
And maybe that's the key: acceptance. The jolly fat guy knows he's fat. He wears loose, comfortable clothing. Does he go clothes shopping at the mall? Heck no! The mall doesn't have clothes in his size anyway. Catalogs of big clothes at low prices come to him a couple times a month. Heck, if he gets too big he can order a tent from L. L. Bean - and they will replace it for free for life! He always has food in him or near him. Pizza, Chinese and Sandwich places that deliver are usually the first numbers on his speed dial. Sweating at the gym? Nope! He's home munching on chips and watching That 70's Show. Anyone would be jolly in this state!
But, take it all away, take away the food, take away the clothes, take away his ability to function sexually, take away Hide, Donna and Eric and put his flabby ass on a tread mill and what do you get? Well, trust me, Mr. Jolly is fucking well gone! All that satisfaction bleeds right off. You are left with a sweating, gibbering mess munching on a carrot wondering if he will actually survive all of this to get thin. Looking to the day when he can drop the diet and have a potato chip. Low-carb, low-fat, fuck all that - he'd just like a little time not involved with either being at work, doing stupid exercises or trying to worm his way out of both.
Wanna know how to make a fat guy even less jolly? How about having to wait in line in a gym? Getting lapped by old women on the walking track will do it. Group showers in the guy's locker room will probably embarrass the crap out of him. Then there's the people at work that start to notice things - always there with friendly advice; "You should work out more!" "Try to eat fewer sweets." "Go organic!" "You should get that tape I saw on teevee!"
No, the truth of the matter is that the jolly fat man is merely a myth. The jolly fat man actually found a path to happiness that hurts no one, heck, one fat guy can keep a whole load of businesses from going broke! But, society and mother nature have conspired against him. He will either buy it at an early age from a heart attack or he will buckle down, get on the tread mill and become just another unhappy, pissed off asshole like the rest of you!
Comments
Laura @ 8:38PM | January 15th 2004|
Why on EARTH do you spell out TV? Teevee just looks weird. But, I guess this IS Irate Weirds, so maybe it works...
Jericho @ 10:27PM | January 15th 2004|
Every other spelling of teevee is annoying. The worst part is that it's a crappy abrieviation. Television is not two words. One wouldn't shorten Telecommunications to T.C.
So, I'm hoping to encourage others to use teevee as a name for the device. Why not? It's better than spelling out television. It's funny sounding and looking and everyone knows what it means.
Max Dobberstein @ 11:05PM | January 15th 2004|
I prefer Videradio.
Laura @ 2:33AM | January 17th 2004|
However, TV it just two letters whereas teevee is six. It's easier to type, so I don't think your version will catch on. Sorry, dude.
BTW, so far as your rant, I've never had the acutal impression that fat men are jolly. I've always thought of them as more grouchy and lazy. Until I met Max and you, anyway. Sure the grouchy and lazy still come thorugh now and then, but now I know there's more to a fat man than that.
It probably comes from my grandparents. My father's father was fat and a lazy jerk according to my dad (I never knew the guy). He would make his wife tie his shoes for him and wouldn't clean anything around the house. He had a real temper and threw things across the room at the drop of a hat.
So, anyway, I'm one person who never went for that whole "Santa Claus" view of fat guys.
Jericho @ 12:13PM | January 17th 2004|
Excellent! Fat men are pissed and we're out for blood!
Or a fresh donut!!!
Max Dobberstein @ 12:57AM | January 19th 2004|
Don't be pissing on my blood donuts!
posted by Jericho Brown at 1/15/2004 05:03:00 PM
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