Jericho: Keen! It's the bee's knees ...
Okay, Bush's re-election took us all a little aback. We have bitched, moaned, wailed, cried, pouted and now, a week later, it's time to get on with our lives. The more I think about it, we have been predicting far too much gloom and doom. We have been focusing on the zealots, the WAAAAAAY right wingers that scare the hell out of us. I mean, if you look at the WAAAAAAAY left wingers, they would have us living on farms, growing organic vegetables and settling into some lower level of the food chain. Yikes!
I really think that cooler heads on the right will prevail. It won't be an armed WASP revolt. I think it will be a return to a kinder, gentler America. An America from our romantic past, something we would see in a Norman Rockwell painting. I think the current Republican regime will bring back the 1950's!
As a public service to our readership, IWDC now presents a fair and balanced view of the new administration. Over the next four years:
... we will all give up these fad diets. Let's face it, the whole "diet industry" has come full circle. Twenty years ago we were cutting fat and eating more veggies. Now, we are eating steak and butter, eggs have less cholesterol, even milk is being touted as a way to lose weight. By 2008, we will all be waking up and having a four egg omelet, with thick, crisp bacon and a big glass of milk and/or OJ. It's good for you and for the American farmer!
... we'll all go to church! This country was founded on the right to religious freedom. Religious groups build community and fellowship, they strengthen us socially and morally. Practice your freedom by using it! Doing anything else is unamerican!
... we will all become home owners. Owning a home is great for your credit, great for the economy and an excellent investment. Newer, more affordable homes will be built from less expensive materials. These materials will be made possible by bumper crops of old growth timber on national lands opened up to logging. The National Parks Service will be encouraged to sell off "excess" park land to developers at rock-bottom prices. Federal tax breaks will be given to developers who turn these pristine lands into fabulous suburbs! Sure, the economy will still be "recovering" in 2008, but think of how low interest rates will be! You'll have a 21st century house for a post-war price!
... we'll all get richer. Tax breaks to big business and the rich will trickle down to provide larger salaries for corporate America. White collar workers will be living it up. The service industries will show significant job growth as the top ten percent demands more luxuries. With illegal aliens being shot on sight, the service industry will be ripe with new jobs for eager Americans. With the deflated manufacturing market, and with the most dangerous and boring jobs shipped to foreign countries, it will be a great time to be an executive!
... we'll all live the "High Life." Tobacco producers will be officially forgiven by the government. That industry suffered greatly in the last decade. As an apology, the Tobacco industry will be allowed to freely advertise in broadcast and print media. The Alcohol industry will point out that they have been mistreated as well in the last half century, restrictions will be removed from them as well. Have a drink and a smoke - it's part of a hip life-style and it's great for the economy!
... we'll all have much larger families. Large families provide safety and support for their members. With the job market shrinking and Dad's salary increasing, Mom can stay home! She'll be there in the morning to make breakfast and bag lunches, she'll be there to take the kids to Scouts and Dance class after school and she'll be there at night to welcome her husband home with a martini and his slippers. Since abortion, the pill and all prophylactics are now illegal, Mom will be blessed with lots of babies! Look out, Mom! Dad's had a few too many Boilermakers! Looks like we'll hear the patter of little feet again soon!
... victory will be ours! With the return of heavy defense spending and a build-up in the military, our fighting men will achieve world peace! Now that "alternative sex" has been banned, the birth rate will be on the rise. With the return of the draft, the ranks of the military will explode. Our boys will go off to fight terrorism, communism and anti-american sentiment where-ever it is found. Don't forget to buy bonds for victory!
By 2008, we will all be in a much better place. Celebrate this future today by purchasing a new car! Domestic or not, they are all owned by American companies, or soon will be. Buy anything you like guilt free and drive into the glorious future we all will share!
I really think that cooler heads on the right will prevail. It won't be an armed WASP revolt. I think it will be a return to a kinder, gentler America. An America from our romantic past, something we would see in a Norman Rockwell painting. I think the current Republican regime will bring back the 1950's!
As a public service to our readership, IWDC now presents a fair and balanced view of the new administration. Over the next four years:
... we will all give up these fad diets. Let's face it, the whole "diet industry" has come full circle. Twenty years ago we were cutting fat and eating more veggies. Now, we are eating steak and butter, eggs have less cholesterol, even milk is being touted as a way to lose weight. By 2008, we will all be waking up and having a four egg omelet, with thick, crisp bacon and a big glass of milk and/or OJ. It's good for you and for the American farmer!
... we'll all go to church! This country was founded on the right to religious freedom. Religious groups build community and fellowship, they strengthen us socially and morally. Practice your freedom by using it! Doing anything else is unamerican!
... we will all become home owners. Owning a home is great for your credit, great for the economy and an excellent investment. Newer, more affordable homes will be built from less expensive materials. These materials will be made possible by bumper crops of old growth timber on national lands opened up to logging. The National Parks Service will be encouraged to sell off "excess" park land to developers at rock-bottom prices. Federal tax breaks will be given to developers who turn these pristine lands into fabulous suburbs! Sure, the economy will still be "recovering" in 2008, but think of how low interest rates will be! You'll have a 21st century house for a post-war price!
... we'll all get richer. Tax breaks to big business and the rich will trickle down to provide larger salaries for corporate America. White collar workers will be living it up. The service industries will show significant job growth as the top ten percent demands more luxuries. With illegal aliens being shot on sight, the service industry will be ripe with new jobs for eager Americans. With the deflated manufacturing market, and with the most dangerous and boring jobs shipped to foreign countries, it will be a great time to be an executive!
... we'll all live the "High Life." Tobacco producers will be officially forgiven by the government. That industry suffered greatly in the last decade. As an apology, the Tobacco industry will be allowed to freely advertise in broadcast and print media. The Alcohol industry will point out that they have been mistreated as well in the last half century, restrictions will be removed from them as well. Have a drink and a smoke - it's part of a hip life-style and it's great for the economy!
... we'll all have much larger families. Large families provide safety and support for their members. With the job market shrinking and Dad's salary increasing, Mom can stay home! She'll be there in the morning to make breakfast and bag lunches, she'll be there to take the kids to Scouts and Dance class after school and she'll be there at night to welcome her husband home with a martini and his slippers. Since abortion, the pill and all prophylactics are now illegal, Mom will be blessed with lots of babies! Look out, Mom! Dad's had a few too many Boilermakers! Looks like we'll hear the patter of little feet again soon!
... victory will be ours! With the return of heavy defense spending and a build-up in the military, our fighting men will achieve world peace! Now that "alternative sex" has been banned, the birth rate will be on the rise. With the return of the draft, the ranks of the military will explode. Our boys will go off to fight terrorism, communism and anti-american sentiment where-ever it is found. Don't forget to buy bonds for victory!
By 2008, we will all be in a much better place. Celebrate this future today by purchasing a new car! Domestic or not, they are all owned by American companies, or soon will be. Buy anything you like guilt free and drive into the glorious future we all will share!
posted by Jericho Brown at 11/09/2004 01:14:00 PM
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