Jericho: Stupid Small Potatoes
Quite possibly the DUMBEST thing I've ever seen out of a Communist country.
So, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez stands up and says; "Check us out. We want to look tough, so we'll bad mouth the US. But, since Venezuela is so small and poses no threat, there's no way my words will come back to bite me."
Yo, Hugo! Are you nuts? What are you thinking, man? Do you think that we have control over the Idiot in the White House? Do you think for one moment he wouldn't invade you and turn your country into a missile test site? Right now he's got Rumsfeld trying to start a fight with Iran! He's got three more years in office. THREE! We are closing in on being done with Afghanistan and Iraq. Iran, North Korea, China, Cuba and now your little country are next!
According to the CIA World Fact Book, you all spend about $1.6 billion dollars annually on your military. You must realize that this is about what we spend every month in Iraq alone! Saying things like "The US would bite the dust" is just moronic, your people have to see that as well. You are making a fool of yourself!
Here's the deal, Hugo, we don't even have to land one tank on your soil to destroy you. We don't have to drop one bomb. All we have to do is inflict one embargo. That's right, all we would have to do is say that the US is no longer buying oil from Venezuela. (I'm sure we can trump up some reason for doing this, say, the war on drugs?) Suddenly, 60% of your oil sales dry up. No one else is going to make up that short fall. That $65 dollars a barrel thing is currently propping up your economy, isn't it? You could head back to your economic problems of 2003 and 2002 real quick.
The great thing is that this embargo could help the US. I mean, what are you going to do with 1.2 million barrels of oil a day that was headed for the US if we aren't buying? The only thing you can do is try to sell them to someone else. So, you lower the price. Ah, yes, you are selling oil for $60 a barrel. Europe and Asia buy up the stock, until OPEC lowers prices to $58 dollars a barrel. Then you have to lower prices. A price war ensues, oil prices drop rapidly, your economy spirals out of control and I get to ride in my car to work everyday for $.69 a gallon. Your people will drag your butt into the street and stone you until you are dead!
Keep talking, Hugo, you're doing me a favor. I'm really starting to hate riding the bus!
So, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez stands up and says; "Check us out. We want to look tough, so we'll bad mouth the US. But, since Venezuela is so small and poses no threat, there's no way my words will come back to bite me."
Yo, Hugo! Are you nuts? What are you thinking, man? Do you think that we have control over the Idiot in the White House? Do you think for one moment he wouldn't invade you and turn your country into a missile test site? Right now he's got Rumsfeld trying to start a fight with Iran! He's got three more years in office. THREE! We are closing in on being done with Afghanistan and Iraq. Iran, North Korea, China, Cuba and now your little country are next!
According to the CIA World Fact Book, you all spend about $1.6 billion dollars annually on your military. You must realize that this is about what we spend every month in Iraq alone! Saying things like "The US would bite the dust" is just moronic, your people have to see that as well. You are making a fool of yourself!
Here's the deal, Hugo, we don't even have to land one tank on your soil to destroy you. We don't have to drop one bomb. All we have to do is inflict one embargo. That's right, all we would have to do is say that the US is no longer buying oil from Venezuela. (I'm sure we can trump up some reason for doing this, say, the war on drugs?) Suddenly, 60% of your oil sales dry up. No one else is going to make up that short fall. That $65 dollars a barrel thing is currently propping up your economy, isn't it? You could head back to your economic problems of 2003 and 2002 real quick.
The great thing is that this embargo could help the US. I mean, what are you going to do with 1.2 million barrels of oil a day that was headed for the US if we aren't buying? The only thing you can do is try to sell them to someone else. So, you lower the price. Ah, yes, you are selling oil for $60 a barrel. Europe and Asia buy up the stock, until OPEC lowers prices to $58 dollars a barrel. Then you have to lower prices. A price war ensues, oil prices drop rapidly, your economy spirals out of control and I get to ride in my car to work everyday for $.69 a gallon. Your people will drag your butt into the street and stone you until you are dead!
Keep talking, Hugo, you're doing me a favor. I'm really starting to hate riding the bus!
posted by Jericho Brown at 8/10/2005 02:05:00 PM
25 Comments:
Hmmm. Oil embargoes lower prices. That's a new idea.
That said, speaking as a middle-class white man who is above draft age, I feel we need a another couple of wars. Just to mix things up.
Oh, it wouldn't lower prices immediately, in fact I'm sure the industry would raise prices out of spite alone. But, it might eventually lower them, say, in a decade or so!
Absolutely, we need more wars! We haven't had a war in South America is, what, decades? Do the Falklands even count?
Again, as an aging, under educated, middle class white man, we need to look for ways for our young men to go off to other countries, spill their blood for the good of this country - and for the good of my continued pay check - I can't compete with these guys!
For our sake, Generation Y must die!
Now waitaminute! Max, you're the one that insists *I'M* part of "Generation Y". You best re-think either my generation or your plans for offing my generation.
Blood! Guts! Gore! Er, Shrub!
Laura, when were you born??? According to Wikipedia, there is a lot of contention over when Gen X ends and when Gen Y begins, but since I don't think you were born after 1980 (were you?) you are most likely a Gen Xer.
Now then, as for wiping out Gen Y, this is it's purpose. The Boomers had Gen Y as part of their plan for world domination and as a way to make sure that the "Contaminated Youth" of Gen X would survive to usher the Boomers into old age. Gen Y is just cannon fodder so that the Mtv generation can take care of the Hippies as they re enter diapers ...
Y? Because we like you. To be cannon fodder.
I was born in 77. Even if they say I AM in Gen Y, I'm NOT. Especially if we're plotting to kill them off. :-)
Look how quick she is to join the conspiracy! Are you sure you aren't a baby boomer???
Well I do tend to say "Bada Boom, Baby!" when I see her.
No I don't. That is a horrible, filthy, not even funny lie. She is hot, though.
So, instead of saying that, certain of your body parts go "Boom!" ????
Ah, the potential for flatulence humor here just boggles the mind...
Dude! You turned something sexy into a fart joke! Dude! Laura should divorce you just for that!
Nah. She entered the fart hall of fame early in our relationship. I have yet to catch up.
Max, according to you, everyone farts more than you. For as much trouble as you gave me, yes, I had more gas. However, I was present for a few of your doozies - your ass could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Laura is lucky to be alive!
And, there's no way Laura farts more than Steph! Dear Lord!!! That woman could fart for her country!
I didn't say she farted more. It has to do with one incident, the circustances under which it took place and the part of my anatomy felt the breeze.
If we want to keep our Google ads, we probably should stop this right .... about .... here!
I can still feel it blowing through my hair.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Laura! That's disgusting! You could have at least warned the guy! Awww, man, I'm going to be thinking about that all day now!
It took me by suprise, too! What can I say? At least it wasn't one of Max's patented "sonic farts". Loud as thunder, those are.
He used to blame back firing cars! ;P
What can I say? Backfiring cars give me gas.
I remember the night that some bad Arby's gave you some gas! Dude!!!
And remember that time I got gas at the Citgo?
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