Max: Questions What Need Answering

I found these on digg.com and felt I could further our evolution as a species by answering them.

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

Thome athhole.

What is the speed of darkness?

Darkness is the absence of light. It has no speed.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Twice is a statement of relation, but the question provides no reference point for the relation. It is meaningless.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

They are leaches. We must destroy them.

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Statistically speaking, you are a dumbass.

Can you cry underwater?

Yes, but as crying involves respiration, you won't cry for long.

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Priorities.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because it amuses them.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Some pervert.

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.”

We are not the only egg stealing primate, so eating eggs likely predates Homo Sapien

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Have you ever toasted a bagel or English muffin? They both take longer than sliced bread.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Because you forgot to change the light bulb.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because people don't wear toilets on their asses.

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway ?

It gives the illusion of some degree of "modesty".

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !

Evolution. While they share a common evolutionary ancestor they are the endpoints of two different evolutionary branches.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream ??

Blind people do dream. Except for the recently blinded, the blind rarely "see" in their dreams. Rather, they interact with their dreams using the senses they use to interact with the waking world.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

A form of torture.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

According to Johnson and Johnson's website, it's made primarily from mineral oil.

If electricity comes from electrons, does mortality come from morons?

And sharp or explosive objects.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

The tune is catchy and easy to remember.

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Most likely an illiterate will have a low income and will probably buy cheaper soup, so no.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

It is a question of choice versus force. I might get mad if you grab my dick, but that doesn't mean I don't touch it myself.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

No, but it occupies stupid people while they wait.