Jericho: Congestive Heart Failure
I was in the ER again this morning. About 1 AM I woke out of a deep sleep. For about half a second it seemed like I was just waking up - then my heart started jumping all over the place. Some of you out there are saying "Ah-ha! Sleep apnea." Most likely, you are correct. I wasn't breathing. This sets off the atrial fibrillation. I went to the bathroom and then went and lay down again - hoping that if I just relaxed, it would stop or "convert" on it's own. I've had one incident that did and I am ever hopeful that I won't have to spend the night in the ER. But, it didn't stop. It was powerful and erractic. My left arm got numb very fast and my chest tightened up. I woke Steph about twenty after one, time to go to the ER.
When I got to the ER, I was still in a-fib, but it had slacked off some. They got me on the table and hooked me up. They set me up on the IV and drew blood. The waking out of sleep, the chest jumping, the numb arm, the tight chest, the ER and the IV, these are all routine to me now.
We talked with the nurses and with a doctor. In the process they noticed something a little different. I am retaining a lot of fluid. My heart is enlarged. The nurse said "They are thinking of keeping you over night, you have had some minor CHF".
Congestive Heart Failure.
Those three words sat me up in my seat. Those three words killed my grandmother. I know those three words and I know them very well.
They wheeled in a scale and I got up on it. I nearly had a heart attack right there. The read-out was upside-down, but 507 is pretty easy to read backwards. That's right, 507 pounds. I thought I had hit bottom when I hit 475, but I forgot one fact: I'm a Brown. When we hit bottom we ask for a pick-ax and explosives!
They upped my beta blocker dosage. They are telling me to cut my salt. Hmmm, I haven't had caffiene since September, they want me to do low carb, low fat, no salt. That leaves distilled water and brown paper bags. The beta-blockers have dropped my energy so low that I don't know what to do. Combine that with the Benadryl I'm taking to fight my allergies, I might as well just spend the day in bed. Throw out sugar and carbs in general, and I have no energy at all. We have had a treadmill in our living room for a month now and I don't have the energy to step up on it much less use it and now I have more beta blockers to deal with!
Eventually, my heart slowed on it's own, they gave me some drugs and that finished the job. They didn't have to shock me this time - although, with the news I got, I guess they did. They just didn't have to connect the paddles.
I stayed home from work today. My heart has flip-flopped a few times, just enough to remind me how much trouble I'm in. I ate smartly, but with no salt, the food was completely tasteless. And, please, don't tell me about Mrs. Dash or some other herbal alternative to salt. I'm not a salt addict. I barely use the stuff. What little I use is now gone. I know how the human sense of taste works. There are taste buds for sweet, sour, bitter, salty and umami. I am left with sour, bitter, a little umami - but it better not be from MSG, and various artificial forms of sweet. In all, brown paper bags are probably the best option.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. What's the point of eating if nothing tastes, much less tastes good? There's no point it drinking anything but water - all the artificial junk tastes like crap. So, the good news is that I will lose weight, the bad news is that it will be from malnutrition. I have no energy. I really want to exercise - but how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Everything is bloated. I have a thing on my leg that won't heal - it's been there for weeks, it just weeps. It's disgusting. I was told last night that it's the diabetes, you don't heal as well when you are diabetic. Everything hurts; my back, my knees, even my arms. They are all suffering from hauling around a quarter ton of body. So, working out will bring down the weight and break my knees and back in the process. What if it sets off the a-fib? That's great, in the ER three times a week because those are the days I work-out.
I don't know what to do.
When I got to the ER, I was still in a-fib, but it had slacked off some. They got me on the table and hooked me up. They set me up on the IV and drew blood. The waking out of sleep, the chest jumping, the numb arm, the tight chest, the ER and the IV, these are all routine to me now.
We talked with the nurses and with a doctor. In the process they noticed something a little different. I am retaining a lot of fluid. My heart is enlarged. The nurse said "They are thinking of keeping you over night, you have had some minor CHF".
Congestive Heart Failure.
Those three words sat me up in my seat. Those three words killed my grandmother. I know those three words and I know them very well.
They wheeled in a scale and I got up on it. I nearly had a heart attack right there. The read-out was upside-down, but 507 is pretty easy to read backwards. That's right, 507 pounds. I thought I had hit bottom when I hit 475, but I forgot one fact: I'm a Brown. When we hit bottom we ask for a pick-ax and explosives!
They upped my beta blocker dosage. They are telling me to cut my salt. Hmmm, I haven't had caffiene since September, they want me to do low carb, low fat, no salt. That leaves distilled water and brown paper bags. The beta-blockers have dropped my energy so low that I don't know what to do. Combine that with the Benadryl I'm taking to fight my allergies, I might as well just spend the day in bed. Throw out sugar and carbs in general, and I have no energy at all. We have had a treadmill in our living room for a month now and I don't have the energy to step up on it much less use it and now I have more beta blockers to deal with!
Eventually, my heart slowed on it's own, they gave me some drugs and that finished the job. They didn't have to shock me this time - although, with the news I got, I guess they did. They just didn't have to connect the paddles.
I stayed home from work today. My heart has flip-flopped a few times, just enough to remind me how much trouble I'm in. I ate smartly, but with no salt, the food was completely tasteless. And, please, don't tell me about Mrs. Dash or some other herbal alternative to salt. I'm not a salt addict. I barely use the stuff. What little I use is now gone. I know how the human sense of taste works. There are taste buds for sweet, sour, bitter, salty and umami. I am left with sour, bitter, a little umami - but it better not be from MSG, and various artificial forms of sweet. In all, brown paper bags are probably the best option.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. What's the point of eating if nothing tastes, much less tastes good? There's no point it drinking anything but water - all the artificial junk tastes like crap. So, the good news is that I will lose weight, the bad news is that it will be from malnutrition. I have no energy. I really want to exercise - but how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Everything is bloated. I have a thing on my leg that won't heal - it's been there for weeks, it just weeps. It's disgusting. I was told last night that it's the diabetes, you don't heal as well when you are diabetic. Everything hurts; my back, my knees, even my arms. They are all suffering from hauling around a quarter ton of body. So, working out will bring down the weight and break my knees and back in the process. What if it sets off the a-fib? That's great, in the ER three times a week because those are the days I work-out.
I don't know what to do.
posted by Jericho Brown at 3/19/2007 10:36:00 PM
14 Comments:
Here's a thought, talk to your fucking doctor. If they can come up with an exercise program for my 97 year old grandmother, they can come up with one for you.
Or you can surrender, curl up and die.
On the whole, I would rather you do the former.
Jer... I know you don't really like the idea, but I think you have reason enough to go though with it... please... get a gastric bypass or that belt thingie. It might save your life. I know you said you've had friends that didn't change their diets, but did they have CHF first?? I think you have plenty of reason to stick with a diet change. Please.... at least SERIOUSLY consider it.
I don't want to loose you. Max doesn't want to loose you. Steph doesn't want to loose you. And I know for a fact, without even asking, that your mom doesn't want to loose you. If a surgery can at least slow down the problems or relieve some of the pressure on your heart, it will be worth it.
Here are some low salt recipes. TRY THEM.
Ya know... there really are a lot of recipes out there for dieters... especially those with diabetes and/or heart problems. You just need to try them all until you have a new basic menu of meals and foods you like. Some recipes have some weird ingredients, but they are often used in other recipes as well, so it's not like you're wasting money on them. (ie- wheat germ.) And, you can still have your comfort foods every now and then; like once a month as a special occasion.
I know you know how to use the Inter Webs, so do it. UTFS to find recipes!!!
This is a virtual HUG. It sounds like you need one or ten. Take care...do whatever it takes...life can be worth living without suger and salt. and the alternative is not good.
Thanks all. I know you love me and support me.
I'm talking with my doctors - notice the plural.
They usually make you lose some weight before they give you the bypass surgery. How is that for backwards?
Look, I'm not dying. No one has said "Son, lose the weight or you will die." Eventualy, I'm sure they will - unless I do something.
It just feels like I'm getting hit with a lot all at once. Up until six months ago, I had no health problems other than the fact I was way over weight. Now, my bathroom counter looks like a pharmacy and I have half a dozen health issues I haven't had. Working out was an option before, now it's a ton of trouble to just get out of bed to go potty. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I really don't want to be in the ER for another four or six hours. If I don't sleep, I don't have to worry about apnea, right? This is a great theory until the beta blockers kick in and knock my ass out.
I'll figure it out, I will, I always do. It's just a lot all at once. Thanks for the love and support.
I love you guys, too.
If there is anything I can do to help, just ask. I do have one piece of advice. Look for a book called BioGenesis by Frank Campitelli and David Dearth and don't be put off by the hardbodies on the cover. The book has a very good diabetic diet layed out in it. Also good information on vitamins and simpe excercises to help build your core muscle groups. The diet is low carb, low fat, high protien and lots of veggies. It is set up as 5 small meals a day to help ward off hunger (which actually works after the first few days). I lost 30 LBS in 6 weeks following the diet (never cheated). At this point you could probably increase the portion size a little and still lose weight hand over fist.
You are one of the best friends I ever had and I love you like a brother and I don't mean to be harsh, but you damn well need to remember one thing at this point. HUNGER IS YOUR FRIEND! Learn to love it because it is the only thing that is going to save you.
I love you, too, Hud, I always have.
So, day 3 of our diet is going well. I got on the treadmill last night. I walked for an hour. I was only going 1.5 MPH, but that means I covered 1.5 miles. I got off the mill and immediately iced my knees BEFORE they began to hurt. This seems to have had a positive effect as my knees were getting pretty taxed over that hour, but I have no problems today.
We'll get home late tonight, so I doubt I will repeat my performance - we'll try Thursday night. Steph is going to her study group and I'm staying at work to do some studying myself for my Network+ certification. One of the things that will help me out a lot is getting rid of my current job. Getting a couple of certs under my belt before I go will make finding a different job easier.
Don't over do it, OK, Jer? I know you're gun-ho about exercising right now, but if you over do it, you'll start to hate it all that much faster... not to mention, you might hurt yourself. I've read that you only need to elevate your heart rate for 30 minutes a day to loose weight.
But here's what you should do: ask your doctor what's best for you and do it.
I have talked to my doctor. I barely go potty without talking to the doc.
The average human walks at 2 MPH. Walking for an hour at 1.5 MPH was more damaging to my knees (and the treadmill!) than my heart. But, even my knees felt better after the ice. Rolling over in bed gets my heart rate up. This is about losing weight, but it's also about cardio health. My heart needs to work - but only a little bit to start with. Slow pace over a long period of time is the way to go.
As for boredom, having a treadmill and a DVR is an excellent combo! I watched an hour of Star Trek to pass the time. I guess I could pop in a Red Dwarf DVD and press "Play All" - maybe I'll do that tonight!
Yeah. I'm going to go sign up at the gym, now.
S'funny. I always thought I would end up the hulking wreck of a human being.
Well, you take the treadmill and I'll take the weight machines and I'll get to buff-town before ye.
I meant that you could hurt your knee and then you wouldn't be able to exercise at all. But it sounds like you've got it worked out.
So... let me know when you get the prezzy we sent, ok?
Max, considering how much less you weigh, getting to your goal weight before I get to mine is a near mathmatical certainty.
Laura, I'm worried about my knees and back a whole lot. I'm not going to over do it - I'm too much of a wuss for that anyway.
You sent me a present? I'll let you know when it gets here.
Never underestimate my power to waste opportunities and generally fuck things up.
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