Jericho: The 513 Pound U-Turn
The CPAP machine is working out really well. I don't care if it's just a placebo effect - I have way more energy than I am used to. I get up from my desk and walk off to the bathroom at a real clip - only to end up with my heart machine gunning in my chest. I might have energy, but the body has been on the couch for the last five years. It will need time to catch up.
This machine is what I hope will be the first step in a real U-turn for me. I have meds and a CPAP and today I'm back on my diet. All along the synergy has been against me. I was putting on weight, which was making my apnea worse, which was cutting into my sleep and lowering my metabolism, which was allowing me to put on even more weight, et cetera, ad nauseum.
Now, I have my CPAP restoring my sleep, which is giving me back my sleep and my energy. I am dieting, so we are in a calorie deficit. With the extra energy I might get some exercise. If I can get some weight off, my apnea will lessen, which will make sleep even easier and better, which will allow me to be more energetic and get more time on the treadmill, et cetera. I think I can get synergy back on my side!
But, the start of any journey is often the hardest part. This morning I got on the scale. That's enough to make you want to put your CPAP back on and go back to sleep for the rest of the week. The scale said I weigh 513. That is officially the most I have ever weighed.
It's like a freekin' death sentence. I'm hanging on a cross made out of pizza and fried chicken, a scroll over my head reads "DXIII". There was something in my mind that said "There's no way you weigh more than 500 pounds - there's no way you can gain more weight". But, sure as there are calories in a donut, I can weigh more than 500 pounds! Six hundred pounds sits out there in the distance, hunting me like a really fat but voracious predator.
This will happen. I will take the weight off. I feel better than I have in years. The immediate goal is get back under 500. I can do that with one hand tied behind my back. Maybe I should tie up my hand - harder to feed myself!
This machine is what I hope will be the first step in a real U-turn for me. I have meds and a CPAP and today I'm back on my diet. All along the synergy has been against me. I was putting on weight, which was making my apnea worse, which was cutting into my sleep and lowering my metabolism, which was allowing me to put on even more weight, et cetera, ad nauseum.
Now, I have my CPAP restoring my sleep, which is giving me back my sleep and my energy. I am dieting, so we are in a calorie deficit. With the extra energy I might get some exercise. If I can get some weight off, my apnea will lessen, which will make sleep even easier and better, which will allow me to be more energetic and get more time on the treadmill, et cetera. I think I can get synergy back on my side!
But, the start of any journey is often the hardest part. This morning I got on the scale. That's enough to make you want to put your CPAP back on and go back to sleep for the rest of the week. The scale said I weigh 513. That is officially the most I have ever weighed.
It's like a freekin' death sentence. I'm hanging on a cross made out of pizza and fried chicken, a scroll over my head reads "DXIII". There was something in my mind that said "There's no way you weigh more than 500 pounds - there's no way you can gain more weight". But, sure as there are calories in a donut, I can weigh more than 500 pounds! Six hundred pounds sits out there in the distance, hunting me like a really fat but voracious predator.
This will happen. I will take the weight off. I feel better than I have in years. The immediate goal is get back under 500. I can do that with one hand tied behind my back. Maybe I should tie up my hand - harder to feed myself!
posted by Jericho Brown at 6/11/2007 10:45:00 AM
7 Comments:
Well Bon Voyage! I hope your journey is a fast, safe one, Jer. We love you over here and we want you to be around lot longer. Good luck!
Good luck and congrats on finding the motivation. Seems to me sometimes that deciding to take on a battle can be the hardest part, so by my measuring rod, you're already half done.
In an effort to show my support, I will gladly ship you some children that are guarenteed to help shed every extra pound quickly. These 4 kids are clinically proven to burn off every calorie that you only have time to fantasize about eating and will not let you remain motionless long enough to grow a fat cell. Anecdotal evidence proves they will even steal plain bread right out of your hands if you try to grab anything quick to eat in order to avoid fainting. If you act now, I will even throw in the 12 passenger van that husband is threatening to buy. Won't your neighbors be jealous? I can also sign you up for the accelorated program which includes 2 nephews and 1 neice 5 days a week. They will decorate you with the spit-up and snot that is the necessary accessory to the afore-mentioned van. You can do this. Perfect health and even visible hip bones are just around the corner. Just to show you how much I want to help, I won't even wait for your response. I'll just ship you two or three little ones as a starter program. No obligation. I will do this for you, for free. This is truly more fun than any other diet program out there. No need to thank me, I only want what's best for you.
Side effects include: paranoia, insomnia, complete loss of discretionary income and personal hygiene, and occasional bouts of insanity brought on by terminal cabin fever.
Here they come. CYM
Wha???
Ahhhh ...!
AUUUUGHHHHHHH!!!
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! NO!!!!
I think I've just been rendered sterile!
It's going to take a medical team and magnetic forceps to get that thing to come back out!
God, that was a riot!
magnetic forceps? Man of steel?
Stephanie,
I guess I owe you an apology for any consequences you may now suffer from my attempt at wit/free childcare. Since I am a firm believer in personal responsibility I will ship you as much chocolate as you need until your hubby recovers.
If any children are shipped to us, they will most likely appear on the back of a milk carton! These dayas even hearing a crying baby makes my ovaries shrivel! No chocolate is necessary...especially since Jason is already down 3 lbs this week as of yesterday morning...and that's without the help of grubby little germ spreaders. :)
Big congrats to Jason! All weekend with staying on the eating plan and getting exercise today swimming. I'm proud of you dude!
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