Max: Drugs
Every night I take a pill. It helps me go to sleep. Also, for reasons not entirely understood, it changes my dreams. Instead of the nightmares, I dream about work, being stuck in traffic or occasionally about finally meeting the right woman.
The problem with the pill is that it doesn't wear off first thing in the morning. That is a problem, especially when I suddenly come out of the fog to realize I was at work, drooling, unshowered and still in my underwear.
Of course, the was when Preseoh (as Chuck, the President and CEO - Preseoh - preferred us to call him) was in charge. He had an amazing ability to keep things just tight enough to make sure we never disappointed a client, but loose enough for us to still feel like human beings. Showing up in my underwear was just another fun day at the office.
Of course, a place like that can't last. The real corporate types - the ones who only see numbers - could not bear to think that there was a place where people wasted money by enjoying their jobs. It took a while but the finally waved enough money under Preseoh's nose. The next day we started receiving memos explaining how much the new management understood how much we wanted a more "professional" environment. From what I could tell, they believe that "professional" means 80 hour work weeks, business suits and accounting for every second of every day. They also stopped providing free coffee. That is when the shootings started.
The last I heard, Preseoh had moved to Thailand, starting taking herion and was shacked up with a 13-year-old whore.
So the Doctor gave me another pill to help me get up in the morning. The first time I took it, I don't remember taking the pill. I just suddenly came out of the fog and realized that my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I was afraid to move, certain that if I raise my pulse even slightly every vessel in my body would burst. They would find my corpse a week later, a human sized intracutaneous hemorrhage. I had to blow my one sick/vacation/religious/PTO day for that decade.
So the doctor gave me a third pill to take with the second. It lowers my blood pressure so that I come out of the fog feeling like a normal human being.
Except that I can now see out of the tip of my dick.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
The problem with the pill is that it doesn't wear off first thing in the morning. That is a problem, especially when I suddenly come out of the fog to realize I was at work, drooling, unshowered and still in my underwear.
Of course, the was when Preseoh (as Chuck, the President and CEO - Preseoh - preferred us to call him) was in charge. He had an amazing ability to keep things just tight enough to make sure we never disappointed a client, but loose enough for us to still feel like human beings. Showing up in my underwear was just another fun day at the office.
Of course, a place like that can't last. The real corporate types - the ones who only see numbers - could not bear to think that there was a place where people wasted money by enjoying their jobs. It took a while but the finally waved enough money under Preseoh's nose. The next day we started receiving memos explaining how much the new management understood how much we wanted a more "professional" environment. From what I could tell, they believe that "professional" means 80 hour work weeks, business suits and accounting for every second of every day. They also stopped providing free coffee. That is when the shootings started.
The last I heard, Preseoh had moved to Thailand, starting taking herion and was shacked up with a 13-year-old whore.
So the Doctor gave me another pill to help me get up in the morning. The first time I took it, I don't remember taking the pill. I just suddenly came out of the fog and realized that my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I was afraid to move, certain that if I raise my pulse even slightly every vessel in my body would burst. They would find my corpse a week later, a human sized intracutaneous hemorrhage. I had to blow my one sick/vacation/religious/PTO day for that decade.
So the doctor gave me a third pill to take with the second. It lowers my blood pressure so that I come out of the fog feeling like a normal human being.
Except that I can now see out of the tip of my dick.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
posted by Max Dobberstein at 11/18/2007 08:24:00 PM
9 Comments:
Getting in on the NaNoWriMo a little late this year?
I was thinking about all the pills I am on and this story just started flowing.
It's nice to see something creative from you again.
Ok... you need to warn me when you're writing a story: "finally meeting the right woman" made me worry a bit... :P
Max, are you going to start writing trip inspired pop tunes? Can I be your manager??
Screw that. You're my frontman.
I'm the frontman? This band is already doomed!
People are going to look at me on stage and go "Hey, lookit - John Popper! When did he put all the weight back on??"
90% of frontmen can't sing. It's about presence.
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