I'm fatter, hairier, uglier and my brain is suffering from dry rot.
But I know more, I have lived more, I have done more.
There was much that was awesome about being 20. I was in college, so my "job" was to learn new interesting things every day. But then I was too stupid and lazy to take full advantage of the situation.
I had few obligations so every dollar I earned, found or mooched was a dollar to be spent on entertainment. A $1000 court settlement sure would not be going for a shiny new bass like it did back then. But what did I ever really do with that freedom?
I can look back on a lot from back then that I would not mind having now. But if you told me back then that if I gave most of it up I would have a wife, a kid a house and everything else I have right now, I would have jumped on it.
Look, life sucks no matter what age you are ans what your situation is. And it also doesn't suck. If someone gave you a million dollars right now it would fix a ton of your problems. And it would give you a ton of new problems that you are currently unburdened by. Rich or poor, young or old, we have what we have and lack what we lack. It's what you do with what you have and how you deal with what you lack that matters.
I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I'm 42 years old. At 39, I was in a crappy job with no future and divorcing. My new boyfriend, a music teacher asked why I, a singer with many years of study, wasn't teaching? I had tried years ago, but it didn't pan out. Soooo...I tried again. I kept the crappy job, taught at 2 music stores 25 miles apart and tolerated a lot of crap from flaky idiots. Three months later, I decided to quit the crappy job and just work hard at my business and squeeze by on a little money I had in the bank. It's three years later, the economy sucks, I'm not as busy or successful as I want to be, but the bills are getting paid and I'm still here. I just make sure that I do a little for my business every day. I just wanted to back up Max in the "not too late to change" thing. Write that book a little every single day! Even 20 minutes a day if you're too bummed to do more. Think about something you could start part time while you work the crappy job. But just start. I used to spin my wheels the way you are now. Things started to happen when I decided to push hard and just...start. I had other failures before this one. I think it's part of the process. Good luck!
Max made a great point , we have what we have and lack what we lack, and need to deal with that as best we can. I am out of work too at this point, and sick of IT support as well. Not sure I will go back to it. One thing you mentioned is that you are in your apt all day, doing nothing as you put it. I get the kids ready for school and get them there and back, but being in the house drives me crazy after a while so I have started volunteering at a couple of places around here. I find getting out and interacting that way really helps stave off stress and my depression. Just something to think about.
Thanks for the feedback, y'all. I do appreciate it. I especially appreciate "Anon" up there - who knew when I said "Long Time Readers," I wasn't just talking to figments of my imagination? :)
Trust me, I'm taking all of this to heart and it is encouraging me. I just wanted to say thanks.
Good Luck on the interview! If it doesn't pan out or even if it does would you want to set up some writing time together, maybe we could shame each other into getting somewhere with it? Or better yet bounce ideas off each other, edit, deny or confirm delusions,collaborate and/or commiserate?
You would think that to be the case, indeed. However, if you look closely at my YouTube videos, you might see that I have a previous video that originated from a Raw File called "vlog7_17_07.mov" - which would, following your logic, imply there would eventually be a "vlog_7_18_07.mov" and so forth. And, as you can certainly surmise - there was not.
The actual issue here is much more complex.
A) I have no discipline. After reading this blog for 7 or 8 years now, one would have assumed you might have noticed this. One might also assume that encouraging me to load more regular posts has also not worked.
B) I have not settled on a VLOG naming convention. I'm thinking my next entry could be "VLOG One."
21 Comments:
You sound troubled, my friend. Never forget that I am here for you.
I never have.
I'm just frustrated. I've been this way since ... well, since always.
Just don't buy into that, "I'm almost 40, it's too late to change," bullshit.
You might be right. But, here we are, in the big things, do you feel like you've changed? Do you feel better off than you did when you were 20?
In some ways yes, in some ways no.
I'm fatter, hairier, uglier and my brain is suffering from dry rot.
But I know more, I have lived more, I have done more.
There was much that was awesome about being 20. I was in college, so my "job" was to learn new interesting things every day. But then I was too stupid and lazy to take full advantage of the situation.
I had few obligations so every dollar I earned, found or mooched was a dollar to be spent on entertainment. A $1000 court settlement sure would not be going for a shiny new bass like it did back then. But what did I ever really do with that freedom?
I can look back on a lot from back then that I would not mind having now. But if you told me back then that if I gave most of it up I would have a wife, a kid a house and everything else I have right now, I would have jumped on it.
Look, life sucks no matter what age you are ans what your situation is. And it also doesn't suck. If someone gave you a million dollars right now it would fix a ton of your problems. And it would give you a ton of new problems that you are currently unburdened by. Rich or poor, young or old, we have what we have and lack what we lack. It's what you do with what you have and how you deal with what you lack that matters.
Jericho,
I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I'm 42 years old. At 39, I was in a crappy job with no future and divorcing. My new boyfriend, a music teacher asked why I, a singer with many years of study, wasn't teaching? I had tried years ago, but it didn't pan out. Soooo...I tried again. I kept the crappy job, taught at 2 music stores 25 miles apart and tolerated a lot of crap from flaky idiots. Three months later, I decided to quit the crappy job and just work hard at my business and squeeze by on a little money I had in the bank. It's three years later, the economy sucks, I'm not as busy or successful as I want to be, but the bills are getting paid and I'm still here. I just make sure that I do a little for my business every day. I just wanted to back up Max in the "not too late to change" thing. Write that book a little every single day! Even 20 minutes a day if you're too bummed to do more. Think about something you could start part time while you work the crappy job. But just start. I used to spin my wheels the way you are now. Things started to happen when I decided to push hard and just...start. I had other failures before this one. I think it's part of the process. Good luck!
I agree with Max and Annon!
We love ya, man.
Love you, babe. See you soon?
Max made a great point , we have what we have and lack what we lack, and need to deal with that as best we can. I am out of work too at this point, and sick of IT support as well. Not sure I will go back to it. One thing you mentioned is that you are in your apt all day, doing nothing as you put it. I get the kids ready for school and get them there and back, but being in the house drives me crazy after a while so I have started volunteering at a couple of places around here. I find getting out and interacting that way really helps stave off stress and my depression. Just something to think about.
OR...Do as Jim Carrey did in the movie and become a "Yes Man" and see where life takes you.
Thanks for the feedback, y'all. I do appreciate it. I especially appreciate "Anon" up there - who knew when I said "Long Time Readers," I wasn't just talking to figments of my imagination? :)
Trust me, I'm taking all of this to heart and it is encouraging me. I just wanted to say thanks.
Time for bed - job interview tomorrow.
Good Luck on the interview! If it doesn't pan out or even if it does would you want to set up some writing time together, maybe we could shame each other into getting somewhere with it? Or better yet bounce ideas off each other, edit, deny or confirm delusions,collaborate and/or commiserate?
Writing: sure. We should set up some time. We really should.
I say this because my first reaction to your suggestion was "Fuck no!" - I immediately came up with 100 excuses to not set up time to write.
None of them were worth a damn, either.
So, yeah, send me some email, let's put together some regular time to get together. Maybe we should find a few more writers and start a regular group.
You could use Google Wave, he said trying to sound cool.
If we use Wave, would you like to join in, Max?
Amber, do you have the technology to use wave?
Can't think of too many reasons not to. I don't have a heck of a lot of free time but I can prolly spend at least a few minutes a day on it.
WTF is Google Wave?
Perhaps you should Google that. :)
By calling this entry "VLOG 1" it implies that there will be a "VLOG 2" and so forth.......
You would think that to be the case, indeed. However, if you look closely at my YouTube videos, you might see that I have a previous video that originated from a Raw File called "vlog7_17_07.mov" - which would, following your logic, imply there would eventually be a "vlog_7_18_07.mov" and so forth. And, as you can certainly surmise - there was not.
The actual issue here is much more complex.
A) I have no discipline. After reading this blog for 7 or 8 years now, one would have assumed you might have noticed this. One might also assume that encouraging me to load more regular posts has also not worked.
B) I have not settled on a VLOG naming convention. I'm thinking my next entry could be "VLOG One."
C) I'm a dumbass.
See, the ting is... I'm pretty good at pestering (or nagging as Max calls it), so eventually I'll get you to update. ;)
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