Jericho: Dieting

Go here only if you want to read about my diet.

Max; Darth Vader Has A Bad Day

Jericho: Little Drumming Dumb Ass

I bought a drum. Just one.

Max and I used to talk about becoming rock stars. He wanted to learn to play bass and I wanted to learn to play drums. We were gonna rock out!

So, Max bought a bass and learned to play. I gave 20 years of excuses.

Max might not be some bass diva, but the man can play. I got nothing.

So, recently I've decided that instead of sitting around watching TV or playing WoW, I'm going to learn to play drums. I decided that starting with hand percussion is an inexpensive way to learn the rudiments of drumming. Hand percussion has always fascinated me anyway.

I put a few hand drums in my holiday wish list, but, Santa brought be lots of good tunes played by other artists! Santa (via my in-laws) also laid a small chunk of change on me. Time to go to the music store!

Drums are indeed pricey things, and I'm cheap! This combo makes things difficult. I made the mistake of going to Guitar Center on the Sunday after Xmas, hoping to find one of these retail desperation bargains I've been hearing about on the news. Fat Chance!

As Max will certainly tell you, Guitar Center is the Center of Hell, the armpit of the music industry. I walked into the drum area, four people were banging away on drums as loud as they could, led by an Asian tike all of 8 years old - the sticks were longer than his arms. In this cacophony, I eventually got the attention of a sales person. I was not set on the type of drum I wanted, so I pointed out a Djembe and a pair of Bongos. The Bongos were used, the sales person took them down and I asked what was the best price he could get me? He went off to his counter to find out.

After twenty five minutes of him serving other customers and much hearing loss, he returned to tell me that the bongos in question were on lay away. I didn't bother asking why they were still on display. I asked about a second, more expensive set, that were also marked as used. He went to see what deal he could get me. He then returned to grab the tag from the instrument - he couldn't remember the number. Who could? I couldn't have remembered my social security number as loud as that room was. If they had all been playing the same song it would have been a different story. Finally, the young person told me that the bongos were mis-tagged, they were not used and he couldn't give me a discount. At this point I had a head ache, I was very frustrated and I didn't even ask about the other drum I was interested in.

Note to Guitar Center: You Suck. You missed a sale because you suck. I hope you go out of business.

It was getting late, it was a Sunday, I knew I was nearly out of options. I punched in "PAWN" on my GPS. The first location I visited no longer existed. I only had time for one more and I was going to quit for the night. I got to the pawn shop, saw drums and got excited. All of the sales people were busy and I saw no hand percussion. Finally I got the attention of a lady and asked her if there were any hand drums.

"Just that one, honey." She pointed to a conga. It was obviously hand made and kinda funky - both of these things I like. It has these huge pegs sticking out - it wouldn't look out of place being played by Fred Flintstone. It was $79.99 with a 10% off sticker. It was in my price range. I wasn't impressed by the hand made thing and the weird pegs. I gave it a few taps, it sounded like a drum.

"That drum is 30% off, baby" said the lady. I looked at her and said "You have a sale!" $60 after tax. Considering the used bongos I was trying to talk down were $129, I think I did okay.

So, my idea now is to find a few books and learn to play. I can't play at home. We live in an apartment, playing drums would annoy the fuck out of our neighbors, not to mention my wife. So, my plan is to load up the drum, drive to the top level of the parking garage at the local mall, and play in the car. I have a minivan with quite a bit of room, so hopefully this will work. Besides learning from books, there are CDs I can play on the car's audio system. I'm hoping to find pod casts I can record to CD or plop on my iPod and use as well. I've found several videos on YouTube. The mall has WiFi access. If I drag along my laptop, I might be able to load those videos and learn from them, or use the laptop to play lessons from DVD.

In all, I think this will be very cool for me. I'm excited about learning a musical instrument. Wish me luck!

Max: The Poxy Boggards - Drink 'til I Die

Max: 81 Year Old Virgin Tells Us How To Fuck

Pope puts stress on 'gay threat'

Pope Benedict XVI has said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

Max: Unemployment - A Growth Industry

Missouri adds 35 workers to unemployment office

The office that handles unemployment claims for the state of Missouri said Thursday that it will extend its hours, boost overtime and hire 35 “emergency temporary helpers” to cope with increased demand for its services as the economy sinks deeper into a recession.

Max: Elron Talks Xenu

Elron talks Xenu.

Max: Douglas Adams - Prophet

This little essay shows how much we lost when he left us.

Max: That's My President

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President-Elect of the United States.

Jericho: Free BeeEssshDeee *hic!*

This is why Linux is becoming more popular!

Jericho: Auto Industry Failure Silver Lining?

No one wants our current financial crisis. But, low gas prices are not hurting anyone's feelings, are they? Could there be other benefits?

Maybe. But, you have to have a long range point of view.

There are a reported three million auto industry related jobs hanging in the balance. The Republicans are balking at a bailout ... that is, all Republicans except Chimpy. The President plans to use some of the $700 billion set to bailout the banking industry to save the auto industry. Now ... why would the worst President ever give a care about three million lost jobs? The simple answer is that he, like the rest of the Republicans, doesn't care about the workers. However, Shrub is an oil man. If the American auto industry goes away, does that destabilize oil sales? If Shrub is going against his own party, giving money destined for white collar workers to blue collar workers, I think we can see that the oil industry is running scared.

Why? Why are they scared? I think I have an answer. It's the same thing that's scaring the Japanese.

The Japanese auto makers want the US Auto Industry to get bailed out. In short, the Japanese don't want suppliers to go out of business, suppliers they also depend on. But, more than that, they are afraid of competition.

Now, I hear you out there, scratching your heads, going "Huh? WTF? They want to save their competition to avoid competition?" Yup. They would rather see GM and the rest continue to go exactly the way they have been going. They want GM & Ford to keep making huge SUVs so that they can look like heroes for making hybrid cars. They also know that there are smaller companies like Hyundai and KIA nipping at their heels. If GM and Ford and Chrysler went away, KIA and Hyundai could broaden their own market.

But, why would the oil industry be afraid of Hyundai or KIA?

They aren't.

They fear Tata. So does Japan.

Are you asking yourself "Who the hell is Tata?" You won't be asking that question for too long. While Detroit is making environmental destroying SUVs, while Japan is making half-assed hybrids and looking like environmentalists, Tata out of India has been producing the G-Wiz for sales in the UK, specifically London.

The G-Wiz is a fully electric vehicle. It's perfect for commuting in dense urban environments. Is it good for a cross country trip? No, probably wouldn't get you to the state line, but how many daily cross country trips do any of us make?

Now, how many days a week do you drive to work? How would you feel if every time you drove to work, you knew you were part of the environmental solution instead of adding to the problem? I bet you'd feel pretty good. I know I would.

Is the G-Wiz ready for prime time in the States? Not really, we do like our cars a little bigger. Tata is even making bigger electric cars for the European market. But, the idea is catching on here. Tata wants to expand into the States, Smart cars are already becoming popular commuter choices, so there is a market for the small commuter car. Further, the G-Wiz doesn't cost an arm and both legs - looking at you GM! How much is the Chevy Volt? We're hearing estimates of $40,000! Are you kidding? The G-Wiz is less than half that new. The average SUV buyer could buy their gas guzzler and a G-Wiz for everyday driving or buy two G-Wizes and give up destroying the planet altogether for the sake of additional cup holders!

So, here is the scenario that Japan and Big Oil fears but maybe you and I should be excited about: the Big Three die or get severely hurt. Tata buys up some production facilities here in the States at a rock bottom price. They employ UAW workers because it's still cheaper than making the cars in India and shipping them here. (Suck on that, Republicans!) They go to work on an American G-Wiz; an all electric car about the size of a VW Beetle that costs $30,000. This vehicle becomes popular - and why wouldn't it? You wouldn't have to go to the gas station. You recharge it every night for about $.02 cents a mile - that's cheaper than riding the bus! People use less gas, hurting Big Oil's bottom line. People stop buying over priced SUVs and hybrids because they don't do what needs to be done, thus hurting Japan's bottom line. We all lower our carbon foot print and slowly the planet recovers and all the while most of those three million jobs related to the auto industry are saved.

I don't think this is a far fetched vision. In fact, I think it might be preferable to saving the Big Three. I'm ready for the all electric vehicle revolution - anyone else?

Jericho: Duck Chimpy!

Someone threw shoes at our current lame duck, President Chimpy McCokeSpoon.



First, Shrub has more huevos than Denny's! The least popular president in U.S. history decides to make a farewell trip to Iraq? He's lucky it was just shoes!

Second, the guy that threw the shoes? Yeah, he needed a better strategy! Chimpy's reflexes are so hopped up on Blow that there was no way a shoe was going to hit him in the head. He probably could have dodged a bullet! The shoe thrower should have aimed the first shoe at the chest, then fired for the head. It would have confused the prestard and might have gotten a hit. Just saying.

I'm waiting to hear that the Secret Service will not allow anyone to wear shoes at any future press conferences. Maybe they can set up the TSA to make people take off their shoes before entering the room. Maybe you will be allowed to wear your shoes, but only once they have been tested for explosives, sniffed by dogs and secured with duct tape!

I gotta admit, I know this is a huge insult in that culture, but in my culture it would have been HILARIOUS to have seen Shrub catch a shoe in the nose!

Max: Geddy Lee Goes Fretless

Max: Alas Poor Hitachi. I Knew Him Horatio.

Gather 'round children and I will spin a tale of a TV that served its masters to the last.

You might find this hard to believe, but there was a time when the term "big screen TV" did not refer to a wall sized HD monitor with 7.1 surround sound. No, once big screen TV's were once very much like what you children call an "attic TV", a "basement TV" or perhaps even "Grandma's TV" only larger. Not large as you think of it, but for those dark ages of the late 20th Century, it was large enough.

Hitachi first came to serve my family when I was but a lad just beginning the 3rd decade of my life. For years it faithfully delivered the delights sent us though the insulated goodness of coaxial cable. When it came time for our clan to disperse to other manors, Hitachi was allowed to serve us at our summer retreat -- a Camp David for the middle class if you will. Its duties where light, mostly showing news or the odd movie on a cold or rainy day.

Then there came the day when our beloved summer retreat was taken from us by a barbarian horde who left us nothing but a large pile of cash. Fortunately I was able to rescue Hitachi, our loyal servant and even added a new wing to my manor for it to reside in. I am happy to say that we let Hitachi live out its remaining years delivering us ineffable delights such as The Venture Brothers, Family Guy, The Daily Show and Design on a Dime.

Today Hitachi gave up its last. As a Doctor of Technology I did all that I could to try give my servant just one more day. But alas, Hitachi is no more. Go forth into that next world where you may at last rest.