Max : eee

If I only had money this plus this would keep off the streets and out of trouble.

Max: MC Frontalot: Bizzaro Genius Baby

Jericho: One Milllllllion Dollars *pinky-mouth*

This is the funniest thing I've ever heard!

Okay, anyone trying to open a bank account will be closely scrutinized. Opening an account with cash will get you more closely scrutinized. Opening with a large amount of cash more so.

Opening an account with anything larger than a $100 bill will set off all kinds of red flags. The U.S. Mint doesn't make a larger denomination than the $100 bill anymore. If you have a $1000 bill, it's still legal tender, but the illegal drug trade have gathered most of those for their own use. Even they don't use them much anymore.

So, showing up in a bank with a millllllion dollar bill? Yeah. Good Luck!!

I would just have loved to see the look on the bank officers' face when she saw this bill. "Excuse me sir, I just have to run off and make a call to the Secret Service."

Max: This is the Most Awesome Thing Ever

Max: America's Armageddonites

America's Armageddonites: "Utopian fantasies have long transfixed the human race. Yet today a much rarer fantasy has become popular in the United States. Millions of Americans, the richest people in history, have a death wish. They are the new “Armageddonites,” fundamentalist evangelicals who have moved from forecasting Armageddon to actually trying to bring it about."

Jericho: Calling all Huds!

Hud? Hello, Hud?!?

I know you read this now and then. I have sent you a couple emails and gotten no response - I'm not sure I have your most recent address.

We are also not sure we have your most recent snail mail address - you've moved a bunch recently and when Steph's computer was stolen, so was the latest update to her Xmas Card address list.

And, after all, that's what this is all about. Steph is in her yearly Xmas Card tizzy. So, if there is anyone out there who wants to be added to our Xmas card list, feel free to spam any and all of our email accounts you might have with your snail mail addresses. You'll get added to the list. If you don't reply with an Xmas Card, Steph will chop you off the list with extreme prejudice. You gotta send'em to get'em!

Don't have one of my email addresses? Hmmm ... I don't think there is a regular reader of this site that doesn't at least have my old Hotmail account or my new Gmail account. Maybe if you leave a comment we can talk ...

Max: Science FTW

On this day in 1859 On the Origin of Species, by Charles Darwin was first published.

Max: A Pathetic Plea

As you can guess, life is not exactly fun for me right now. My mood swings from stressed to borderline breakdown to utter numb exhaustion. The true solution to my problem is getting job. At that point, my life can return to its normal level of madness.

But there is one thing that others could for me. Right here is the bass I bled for and the amp I used it on at the store. If some of the people who may be thinking about getting me a Christmas gift were of a mind, they could get together, pool resources and make this the best group gift in the history of group gifts.

I know it is not likely, but it will brighten this broken man's dark little word.

Max: What The Republicans Have Saved Us From

Max: Why We Must Go War With Iran

Around 60% of all foreign militants who entered Iraq to fight over the past year came from Saudi Arabia and Libya, according to files seized by American forces at a desert camp.

The files listed the nationalities and biographical details of more than 700 fighters who crossed into Iraq from August last year, around half of whom came to the country to be suicide bombers, the New York Times reported today.

Max: Happy Turkey Frying Day

Max: Drugs

Every night I take a pill. It helps me go to sleep. Also, for reasons not entirely understood, it changes my dreams. Instead of the nightmares, I dream about work, being stuck in traffic or occasionally about finally meeting the right woman.

The problem with the pill is that it doesn't wear off first thing in the morning. That is a problem, especially when I suddenly come out of the fog to realize I was at work, drooling, unshowered and still in my underwear.

Of course, the was when Preseoh (as Chuck, the President and CEO - Preseoh - preferred us to call him) was in charge. He had an amazing ability to keep things just tight enough to make sure we never disappointed a client, but loose enough for us to still feel like human beings. Showing up in my underwear was just another fun day at the office.

Of course, a place like that can't last. The real corporate types - the ones who only see numbers - could not bear to think that there was a place where people wasted money by enjoying their jobs. It took a while but the finally waved enough money under Preseoh's nose. The next day we started receiving memos explaining how much the new management understood how much we wanted a more "professional" environment. From what I could tell, they believe that "professional" means 80 hour work weeks, business suits and accounting for every second of every day. They also stopped providing free coffee. That is when the shootings started.

The last I heard, Preseoh had moved to Thailand, starting taking herion and was shacked up with a 13-year-old whore.

So the Doctor gave me another pill to help me get up in the morning. The first time I took it, I don't remember taking the pill. I just suddenly came out of the fog and realized that my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I was afraid to move, certain that if I raise my pulse even slightly every vessel in my body would burst. They would find my corpse a week later, a human sized intracutaneous hemorrhage. I had to blow my one sick/vacation/religious/PTO day for that decade.

So the doctor gave me a third pill to take with the second. It lowers my blood pressure so that I come out of the fog feeling like a normal human being.

Except that I can now see out of the tip of my dick.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Max: Bliss in the Midst of Desperation

After I was fired last week, I was in a daze. I felt lost, hollow, detached from my physical self. My body was on autopilot while my brain tried to sort out what had just happened, how often it had already happened and what the hell I was going to do.

The next thing I knew, I was pulling into the parking lot of one of my former employers, Guitar Center. It had been one of the few employers I had parted with voluntarily. It was probably the last place I should have gone. I was in no position to add to my bass collection so all I could do was torture myself by looking at all the cool axes I would likely never own. Well, just because I wouldn't own them did not mean that I could not play them. I futzed around on several nice basses before I noticed a rather gorgeous Peavey Cirrus BXP, quilt maple with a tiger eye finish. I had long lusted after the high end -that means expensive but worth it in bass speak - custom Peavey Cirrus. The BXP - the much less expensive, mass produced retail version of the Cirrus - that was hanging on the wall was the closest I have ever come to a Cirrus. It had to be played.

I plugged it in, twiddled to tone controls and started the play. I realized immediately that this was the best feeling, best sounding bass I had ever handled. I played. I kept playing. Time passed unnoticed. The reality of what had just happened to me, of another job lost, faded to a low level buzz in the back of my mind. Eventually I looked down and saw the rather large, blood filled blister on the tip of my index finger. I had been playing longer and harder than I ever had before. I'm not sure what time I started, but my best guess is that I had played for 90 minutes.

I turned off the amp, hung a bass I would love to own but likely never will, headed out the door and headed home to tell Laura that I had lost another job.

Jericho: Pasta with a rich Dogma sauce ...

I thought that the Discordianism was funny. Hail Eris!

I thought the SubGeni were funny. Hail "Bob"!

I think that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is hilarious!

However, it would appear that FSM is getting some official attention.

I think it's funny how religions, even fake religions, come and go. I mean, the Sub-Geni and the Discordians are still around, and they experience ebbs and flows of popularity. But, let's face it, they are on the way out. The Pastafarians are the new, hot parody!

What would happen if the parodies joined forces? Why couldn't "Bob" be an avatar of Eris and vice-versa? Eris, "Bob" and FSM - the new Holy Trinity?

Max: The Tao of Max

Last night marked the end of the tech support project that has been my paycheck since last July. But my employer has not completely abandoned me. Today marked my new beginning as a collection agent.

Except my now ex-employer has abandoned me. I don't have even a crappy job.

I think I am starting to enjoy poverty.

Except for the part about not having any money.

Edit:

It would seem I was not clear.

I lost yet another job and am unemployed.

Jericho: The Billion Dollar Bundt Cake

The House has passed a Bill to fund the military but set a time table for troop withdrawal.

This is nothing new. The House has tried this before - the Prez vetoed. The fun thing about this new attempt is that if Dubya vetoes, the military will be scrambling for cash, or, as the White House put it:

"Pentagon planners will be forced to focus on accounting maneuvers instead of military maneuvers."

Awww! The whittle Penawgon will haf to keep a bwudget! Shucky darn! They will have to find some way in their $470 billion dollar budget to keep two wars going. Gee whiz! We might just have to declare peace and a general amnesty!

But, this is my favorite quote:

But White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said Democrats are wasting time "for political posturing and to appease radical groups."

CNN adds later in the article:

A CNN-Opinion Research poll conducted in early November found 68 percent of Americans polled oppose the war, and 62 percent consider the conflict a stalemate.

So, putting those two facts side by side, we see that Dana Perino feels that 60+% of the American people are a "radical group". Last I heard, when Bush got elected with 51% of the popular vote, that was considered a mandate from the people. So, if Bush had gotten 60% of the vote, would he have been elected by a "radical group", Dana?? Could you and your party be a little bit more out of touch, Dana???

In short, I like this plan. If the White House agrees, then we finally have an exit plan for the endless wars. If Bush doesn't agree, his spending will hit a wall and he will no longer be able to afford the military presence in Iraq and Afghanistan, much less the exceptionally expensive services of Blackwater. Heck, the war might end even sooner than planned!

Of course, if Bush got smart, he could circumvent this whole thing. He could take the cash in the current military budget and do what cash strapped schools, churches, hospitals and other organizations that don't get enough funding (usually because the government spends it on the military) do nearly every year: have a bake sale. That's right! Sell cookies and cakes and pies. I mean, who wouldn't support buying a $25 million dollar cruise missile by buying a $300 apple pie? We can have another troop surge, the Pentagon would just have to sell twelve billion boxes of Thin Mints and Do-Si-Dos!

Max: The Bride Was Fetching

An Indian man has "married" a female dog, hoping the move will help atone for stoning two other dogs to death.
P Selvakumar, 33, said he had been cursed since the killings, suffering paralysis and a loss of hearing.

The wedding took place at a Hindu temple in Tamil Nadu state. The "bride" wore an orange sari with a flower garland and was fed a bun to celebrate.

Superstitious people in rural India sometimes organise weddings to animals in the hope of warding off curses.

Max: New Solar Tech

Via Popular Science

Imagine a solar panel without the panel. Just a coating, thin as a layer of paint, that takes light and converts it to electricity. From there, you can picture roof shingles with solar cells built inside and window coatings that seem to suck power from the air. Consider solar-powered buildings stretching not just across sunny Southern California, but through China and India and Kenya as well, because even in those countries, going solar will be cheaper than burning coal. That’s the promise of thin-film solar cells: solar power that’s ubiquitous because it’s cheap. The basic technology has been around for decades, but this year, Silicon Valley–based Nanosolar created the manufacturing technology that could make that promise a reality.

Max: LS9

How about petrol made from bacteria?

LS9

LS9 combines core competencies in industrial biotechnology and synthetic biology to design, develop, and commercialize industrial bioprocesses. Industrial biotechnology is the application of biocatalysis for the large scale production of chemical products. Synthetic biology is the state of the art of bioengineering, and refers to the design, construction, and improvement of biological machines at the molecular genetic level. Bringing experience in industrial biotechnology from Cargill, Codexis, Genencor, Kosan, Cubist, and Verenium (formerly Diversa) and synthetic biology from Harvard, UC Berkeley, MIT, and Stanford, the LS9 team is uniquely suited to design, develop, and commercialize the next generation of biofuels.

To replace fossil fuel with a cost effective and renewable surrogate, LS9 has first looked to nature. The components of petroleum have biological counterparts, and the biological mechanisms for their synthesis are useful tools for the creation of new industrial processes. Employing the tools of biochemical engineering, LS9 has identified the key components of a cost effective process and defined which are best controlled physically, chemically, and biologically. Using synthetic biology, LS9 has reached into nature and accessed the required biological tools, engineered them to function under industrial conditions, and is optimizing their performance to meet our economic objectives. In this way LS9 is rapidly bringing its Renewable PetroleumTM technologies out of the lab and into the world.

Max: Be Proud America

Waterboarding [nearly drowning someone who may actually know something of value or may just be Canadian] is something of which every American should be proud.

Be proud.



Be proud!

Max: Glargleblgglutigl

This is wrong. Don't click. Seriously, unless you want your brain to melt and ooze out of your various head orifices, don't.

Jericho: Should have let Colbert play!

We all knew Colbert was just joking. It was a publicity stunt. But, even so, this kind of stuff is just stupid.

How is it a waste of time to put someone on the ballot?

"Oh! It costs us 20k!" Big deal! Throw another $500 a plate dinner. Call it "The Colbert drove us to bankruptcy" dinner! People will eat it up!

"He'll take votes from serious candidates!" Listen, if your lame duck candidate can't excite a voter enough to keep him from voting for a comedian - who's not a nationally viable candidate now? I'm looking at you, Obama!

"He's not nationally viable!" If we are using that argument, no one should be on the ballot but Hillary. She's going to get the nomination. Why not save the 20k per head and just put only Hillary on the ballot? Oh, yeah, I remember now! This is America and we are pretending to be a democracy - only the pretense breaks down in the face of a comedian with national support!

I'm embarrassed for my party of choice. I'm sure it won't be the last time I will feel this way this year.

Max: I Pledge Allegiance

It occurred to me today that the whole controversy over the Pledge of Allegiance is utter meaningless to me. If I choose to recite a pledge put together by corrupt politicians and religious whacks, then that is a failing on my part. Therefore, I have decided that if I am called to pledge allegiance, I will let it be known where my allegiance lies. The following is my Pledge of Allegiance.

I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America and to the Nation it has birthed and continues to protect, a democratic republic where law governs with the consent of the governed, not to oppress but to insure justice and freedom for all.

Feel free to put your pledge in the comments section.

Max: God Like

I would be willing to do... things to posses this. Wrong things. Things that make Baby Spaghetti Monster cry.

Jericho: What would JC do?

"The Bible says you don't charge interest to a poor person."

Jimmy Carter

I would love to know the chapter and verse where it says this! Even if the Bible doesn't say that - it's still one of the coolest things I have ever heard come out of any Christian's mouth!

Our government could learn a lot from Habitat for Humanity. They don't give out charity - you have to work for it. But, in the end, you have something to show for it. If all government programs were run like Habitat - well, it simply won't happen. It would be too good for the American people and we can't have that. Squashing the proletariat is what being an American is all about!

Max: EFF's Fair Use "Test Suite"

A "Test Suite" of Fair Use Examples

Rather than engaging in a legal argument about whether each of these videos falls within the bounds of the fair use doctrine, our view is simply that automated copyright filters should not automatically 'block' any of these videos. Each of these represents a situation where additional human review is necessary before reaching any decision regarding an appropriate response by a content owner.

Jericho: Gaypublicans

They go out of their way to hurt the cause of gay rights and keep themselves as deep in the closet as they possibly can, often hurting general civil rights and stomping on the Constitution as they go - they are the Gaypublicans!

First we had Bob Allen, then Larry Craig and now Richard Curtis.

I'm really starting to feel sorry for these losers, especially Larry Craig (a.k.a. Tappy McWidestance). I mean, these morons have needs. But, instead of recognizing the needs and desires for what they are - they go into total denial mode. They still have to fulfill the need, so, they start doing it secretly. Go on "the down-low" as it were.

At that point, they are so totally in denial that it all begins to seem natural. Gay bash by day, wear lingerie and sleep with gay prostitutes at night. Write anti-gay legislation at work, get some action in the air port on the way home.

In the end, they have done a ton of damage to the cause of gay acceptance not to mention gay rights. Then they get caught and all the damage they have done comes back to haunt them. The anti-gay monster they have fed is now looking to eat them. They are trapped in their own web of hatred. Their careers are over - because they lied to and encouraged the anti-gay voters who got them into their jobs. Then, you get dolts like Larry Craig who is SOOOO deep in denial, he's trying to rescue his career. It won't work - the whole party is turning its collective back on him.

None of this is healthy. Having unprotected sex with prostitutes or with random strangers in bathrooms is just self destructive! If they simply came out, said they were gay or even bi-sexual, claimed and owned their label, then worked for their own betterment, some portion of the voting population would accept them. They would still have their jobs and be happy. Instead, they are so filled with hatred that they want to destroy - and the first thing they go after is themselves.

It's really sad. I wasn't kidding when I say I feel sorry for these guys. They are sick. They are not sick because they are whatever shade of gay they might be - they are sick because they are in denial and filled with hatred. They need help.

Max: Randy Grimm

Courtesy of KETC