Max: BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Hubble probes planet around star

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Hubble probes planet around star

"The first direct detection of oxygen and carbon in the atmosphere of a planet outside our Solar System has been made using the Hubble Telescope."

Max: Fax About Max

I am a fairly unique person. "How is that?" you ask. It is that although I am right handed, I am left buttocked.

Jericho: We're gonna drown.

They lied to us - and we were stupid enough to buy it.

Steph just called me down to the basement, there is water all over the floor. The walls are wet and water is pooling on the floor.

January, February and March are the rainy season here in the Pacific NW. It pretty much rains for nearly two months. Well, it drizzles and mists - there are grey clouds and water falling from the sky for sixty days. We had snow around Christmas, unusual for us, and a wet January. So, the ground is quite saturated. And now that moisture is an unwelcome guest, a guest that is not likely to leave until May.

When we looked at this house, we asked the owners if they had ever had any water problems. They said no. Obviously they lied. We planned to paint the basement walls and floor and garage floor before we moved in, and to apply a product called Dry-Lok to prevent the exact problems we are having right now. However, due to the problems of getting into the house, we didn't get the chance to do the painting we wanted to do. Now we will have to put up with the wet and do this paint work in June.

The nightmare continues. The money pit deepens. Kill me.

Max: Yahoo! News - Ex-Arms Hunter Kay Says No WMD Stockpiles in Iraq

Yahoo! News - Ex-Arms Hunter Kay Says No WMD Stockpiles in Iraq:

"David Kay stepped down as leader of the U.S. hunt for banned weapons in Iraq on Friday and said he did not believe the country had any large stockpiles of chemical or biological weapons."

Jericho: The well is dry in Hollywood.

People have made a sport out of poking fun at Hollywood. It's easy to point fingers and say that nothing but crap is flowing from Southern California. While this may or may not be true, does Hollywood need to keep handing us crap that they handed us before? Has Hollywood run out of fresh ideas? Is the situation so bad that the only thing to do is to raid the vault, pull out old movies and remake them?

This came into my radar one day as I sat at home, flipping past channels and came across a movie playing on the Bravo network, a black and white gem directed by Frank Capra starring Gary Cooper called Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. I had just recently watched the remake of this movie, titled "Mr. Deeds" starring Adam Sandler. Frankly, the Capra/Cooper movie was slower by my Mtv standards, but quite often funnier. Sandler and crew have had pretty good luck making formula movies in the past decade, why pull out this old classic and proceed to butcher it? Gary Cooper would have decked him!

This isn't the first time this kind of thing happened, oh no! Hollyweird apparently has a whole host of remakes, most of which flop. Take, for example, "Psycho" - arguably one of the best Alfred Hitchcock movies. This was remade a few years ago, shot for shot, movement for movement. The only changes were the actors, it was in color and there was more gore. Flopped like a fish on dry land!

Disney recently remade "Freaky Friday" it was okay, but compared to the original or compared to 1987's "Like Father, Like Son" starring Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore or 1988's "18 Again" with George Burns, we certainly didn't get anything new, so why do a remake? Along this line, we have the recent "Love Don't Cost a Thing" which is an obvious remake of the 1987 classic "Can't Buy Me Love" - the only new thing added here is that the cast is black.

Out this year are the favorites "Dawn of the Dead" - do we really need this to be remade? - and "The Stepford Wives" which features a stellar cast but, really, why mess with the original? Nicole Kidman just can't get any real work since she left Tom?

This summer we will have "Van Helsing" starring Hugh Jackman. This isn't so much a remake as the continuation of some bad traditions. This movie raids such Hollywood classics as Dracula, The Wolfman, Frankenstein and Tim Burton's "Batman" (watch the trailer - the switchblade crucifix is a dead giveaway) All of those movies raided classic stories found elsewhere, and then repeatedly raped them for our amusement. Lon Chaney, Tor Johnson, Boris Karloff and George Clooney - oy!

Finally, we have possibly the worst crime of all. The TNT network decided to remake Neil Simon's "The Goodbye Girl." The worst part about it, Neil Simon was involved. I cannot imagine, being a fan of the original movie, that "Dumb and Dumber" actor Jeff Daniels could outdo the performance which brought Richard Dreyfuss five Oscar nominations. I couldn't bring myself to watch it. I understand it didn't do particularly well in the ratings. They could have saved themselves the trouble and just run the original movie - maybe having Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason come in and do a commentary around the commercials. What a waste.

Hear me, Hollywood: find something original to shoot! Okay?!?!

Max: State of the Union, Abridged

Shrub: The Patriot Act and state of constant war are doubleplusgood. Big Ashcroft is watching.

Random Democrat: Okay is that Shrub a dippy or what?

Random Right Wing Pundit: Bush is god!!! Death to Democrats!!!

Random Center Left Pundit: Yeah, probably. But after we vote Shrub out.

Jericho: Writer Redux

Discipline and distractions. The two biggest features in my life.

Discipline is not a destination, it's a voyage, and it's a voyage I have never taken. If I could keep one thought in my head for a week and work just on that idea, well, I would probably not be here writing to you about how I can't do it.

That brings us to distractions. I have tons of those and I seem to go looking for them. I think about starting businesses and there's always work and I come up with new projects all the time. Even IWDC can be lumped in there - but that's a distraction with an upcoming 2nd birthday.

If I could wipe out the distractions and apply a little disciple, I think I would be happier. No matter how many odd little projects or how bad work gets, I always come back to writing. I love to do it and I don't do nearly enough of it these days. If I could stop finding new things to pull me away from getting some writing done and actually sit down and do it, I think I'd have a lot more to show for my suffering.

This is also week 2 of the new diet. Steph and I are both watching what we eat and trying to get back to the gym more often. We went yesterday - since we had the day off it made the whole thing much easier. I have to admit I feel better, I'm more productive at work and my head just seems clearer. Food addiction is a bitch - but it all comes back to discipline.

Wouldn't it be great if I got on here one day and wrote "Hey, I got published!" "Hey, I lost a ton of weight!" since all I usually do is get on here and complain. That's a nice dream.

The really funny thing about this is that after writing the above, I got distracted by some other stuff, did some work, got distracted, etc. I think I started this around 1pm and am finishing it about 5pm. It just never ends.


Comments


Max Dobberstein @ 9:28PM | January 20th 2004|

Excuses, excuses.

Embrace your inner loser. It is only through total laziness that true work can be done.




Jericho @ 11:31AM | January 21st 2004|

I embraced my inner loser once - he had three day old Coke breath and smelled like your parent's couch.




Max Dobberstein @ 10:32PM | January 21st 2004|

You speak of the fabled days when Jericho, King of Slackers, lay upon the Couch of Crash between his adventures with Max the Fat, Wizard of Bupkiss.

I have heard of these days. We will not see their like again, in world of darness.




Max Dobberstein @ 10:53AM | January 22nd 2004|

Or darkness, for that matter.




Laura @ 1:55AM | January 26th 2004|

I liked "world of Darness" better.

Well, if Jericho would move to Chicago instead of the East coast, the fabled days could be relived at least on a weekend bassis.




Liz @ 3:56PM | January 26th 2004|

Hey, where are the two comments I posted last week?
What's this about Jericho moving to the east coast?




Jericho @ 4:13PM | January 26th 2004|

Liz, you lost comments? Smeg!

Enetation is gone the moment I have a chance. Cupie, if you read this, have you had ant trouble with Haloscan?

Jericho isn't moving to the east coast - Jericho isn't moving anywhere anytime soon. However, he is going to be in STL April 1 to April 5.

And, there, I will let you hang ...




Liz @ 5:16AM | January 28th 2004|

And there he must come to visit and meet the all-powerful lord and master who rules our household - Adam.




Jericho @ 12:13PM | January 28th 2004|

Can't wait to meet the darling! His Uncle Jericho has many things to teach him!!!




Liz @ 7:01PM | January 29th 2004|

Hope you like to play trains. They have taken over the house, and are the litmus test of acceptability as far as Sweet Pea is concerned.




Jericho @ 12:07PM | January 30th 2004|

Trains? Couldn't you have at least got him hooked on slot cars? Trains are slow and boring!!




Liz @ 5:09AM | January 31st 2004|

Nope, it's genetic.
We have Thomas the Tank Engine and almost all of his friends, miles of track, dozens of structures, and all the vids made so far... not to mention the complete works of the Rev W. Audry, who wrote all the Thomas books.




Jericho @ 10:39PM | February 1st 2004|

You got diesel in your blood? I didn't know you liked trains. Or, is Trent the rail buff?




Liz @ 5:09AM | February 3rd 2004|

Nah, it's Trent's Dad, my step-father-to-be, Reg. He's a collector and a dealer, so we've got thousands of dollars worth of Thomas & Friends mostly at wholesale, ya see... Actually, once you start learning about them, they're really quite interesting. Adam can tell you the difference between a saddle tank steam engine and a mixed traffic engine, and he's definitely a steam boy as opposed to diesel, and the vocabulary thes movies give this kid! They don't dumb it down, the way American kids stiff is.
Anyway, we have a membership in the National Transportation Museum, and that's where we're having Adam's birthday party again this year. They have a big room for the wee ones called Creation Station filled with toy trains, cars, busses, boats, planes, books and costumes and puppets having to do with said means of transportation, and the kids get to run wild in there for an hour and a half and eat cake to boot. It's pretty cool.

Jericho: Oh yeah?? Well I'll show you some jolly grumble, grumble grunt!!!

I think I finally figured this one out. You've heard the old saw about fat people being jolly, I'm sure. And, I'll admit to being both fat and jolly most of the time. I have a good sense of humor and I'm easy to get along with - I spout all of my negativeness on a blog where it can only hurt my readers; the poor, disrespected yet returning and willing victims that they are.

But, I have figured out why fat people are jolly. It has something to do with satisfaction. The jolly fat guy has been for years eating all he wants. He has a full belly, which, let's face it, is the basis of happiness for most animals. Let our cat's food dish get a little low and the whole neighborhood knows - one of our cats meows about the situation until you refill the dish, or at least shake it so the little hole they have dug to the bottom doesn't show anymore.

The jolly fat guy wears loose, comfy clothing. He has to wear loose clothing or else he starts to do plumber's crack, belly reveals, pants ripping, etc. Fat people who do not dress in loose clothing are in denial and are usually not of that jolly breed.

And maybe that's the key: acceptance. The jolly fat guy knows he's fat. He wears loose, comfortable clothing. Does he go clothes shopping at the mall? Heck no! The mall doesn't have clothes in his size anyway. Catalogs of big clothes at low prices come to him a couple times a month. Heck, if he gets too big he can order a tent from L. L. Bean - and they will replace it for free for life! He always has food in him or near him. Pizza, Chinese and Sandwich places that deliver are usually the first numbers on his speed dial. Sweating at the gym? Nope! He's home munching on chips and watching That 70's Show. Anyone would be jolly in this state!

But, take it all away, take away the food, take away the clothes, take away his ability to function sexually, take away Hide, Donna and Eric and put his flabby ass on a tread mill and what do you get? Well, trust me, Mr. Jolly is fucking well gone! All that satisfaction bleeds right off. You are left with a sweating, gibbering mess munching on a carrot wondering if he will actually survive all of this to get thin. Looking to the day when he can drop the diet and have a potato chip. Low-carb, low-fat, fuck all that - he'd just like a little time not involved with either being at work, doing stupid exercises or trying to worm his way out of both.

Wanna know how to make a fat guy even less jolly? How about having to wait in line in a gym? Getting lapped by old women on the walking track will do it. Group showers in the guy's locker room will probably embarrass the crap out of him. Then there's the people at work that start to notice things - always there with friendly advice; "You should work out more!" "Try to eat fewer sweets." "Go organic!" "You should get that tape I saw on teevee!"

No, the truth of the matter is that the jolly fat man is merely a myth. The jolly fat man actually found a path to happiness that hurts no one, heck, one fat guy can keep a whole load of businesses from going broke! But, society and mother nature have conspired against him. He will either buy it at an early age from a heart attack or he will buckle down, get on the tread mill and become just another unhappy, pissed off asshole like the rest of you!


Comments


Laura @ 8:38PM | January 15th 2004|

Why on EARTH do you spell out TV? Teevee just looks weird. But, I guess this IS Irate Weirds, so maybe it works...



Jericho @ 10:27PM | January 15th 2004|

Every other spelling of teevee is annoying. The worst part is that it's a crappy abrieviation. Television is not two words. One wouldn't shorten Telecommunications to T.C.

So, I'm hoping to encourage others to use teevee as a name for the device. Why not? It's better than spelling out television. It's funny sounding and looking and everyone knows what it means.




Max Dobberstein @ 11:05PM | January 15th 2004|

I prefer Videradio.




Laura @ 2:33AM | January 17th 2004|

However, TV it just two letters whereas teevee is six. It's easier to type, so I don't think your version will catch on. Sorry, dude.

BTW, so far as your rant, I've never had the acutal impression that fat men are jolly. I've always thought of them as more grouchy and lazy. Until I met Max and you, anyway. Sure the grouchy and lazy still come thorugh now and then, but now I know there's more to a fat man than that.

It probably comes from my grandparents. My father's father was fat and a lazy jerk according to my dad (I never knew the guy). He would make his wife tie his shoes for him and wouldn't clean anything around the house. He had a real temper and threw things across the room at the drop of a hat.

So, anyway, I'm one person who never went for that whole "Santa Claus" view of fat guys.




Jericho @ 12:13PM | January 17th 2004|

Excellent! Fat men are pissed and we're out for blood!

Or a fresh donut!!!




Max Dobberstein @ 12:57AM | January 19th 2004|

Don't be pissing on my blood donuts!

Max: A True Story of Small Courage

There was this softdrink company that decided they wanted to paint their logo on the inside of their bottles. To achieve this they hired a tribe of small people, people small enough to fit inside of the bottles and paint the logo. Sanitation was of great importance as they could not very well wash the bottles after the logo was painted. So these tiny people would strip naked, shower and then paint the logo. This was not a problem for the tiny people as they knew neither lust nor shame. So these tiny, shameless people painted logos on the inside of bottle with toxic paint. There is no need to fear, as the chemical properties of the softdrink did not leach any toxins from the paint. If one were to put pure water in the bottle, the water would wash off the toxic paint. One of the kindhearted tiny people realized this and wanted to warn the public. His greedy corporate masters refused. So, even though the tiny people are almost always loyal to their masters, he took it upon himself to paint a warning along with the logo. However, though the tiny people speak English, they have their own written language which is unknown outside of their number and is too small for us to read anyway. So this warning appeared to all non tinies as a decorative flourish. The softdrink makers were so pleased with this flourish that they rewarded the tiny whistle blower. He thought he was being rewarded for his courage and honesty, behavior which is considered essential among the tiny people. He humbly refused the reward. And so it goes.

Jericho: Ain't Got None

I was so excited in October. We changed the format of the site and I was out here writing nearly every day. Then it tapered and tapered. Now, I'm writing twice a month. What a waste.

But, I tend to use this site as a place to go complain. Frankly, I have very little to come complain about. I mean, there's always the usual, but you've read all of that and I'm tired of complaining about it. The fact that I have problems from my teens that I have yet to solve is just depressing. So, why keep bitching about those problems? Sure they still frustrate me, but bitching isn't making the problems go away.

So, when I stop griping about all the old crap, I'm left with very little to say. I'm married to a woman I love, we've been married for two years. We live in a lower-middle class neighborhood, in a house that we bought for $20 grand less than the national median. We have a ton of bills. We both work in mid-level jobs that we both like well enough. I'm coming up on my three year anniversary at this job, which is darned long for me. After that it's all new territory - I don't remember ever having a job for more than three years.

In all, I'm boring and bored. Thus, nothing to write about.

Sorry. I'll try harder.

Max: CNN.com - Clark unveils tax plan - Jan. 5, 2004

CNN.com - Clark unveils tax plan - Jan. 5, 2004: "MANCHESTER, New Hampshire (CNN)

Democratic presidential contender Wesley Clark on Monday unveiled a sweeping tax plan that he said would benefit 31 million families without increasing the federal budget deficit."

CNN.com - Rush guitarist in New Year's Eve fight with deputies - Jan. 2, 2004

CNN.com - Rush guitarist in New Year's Eve fight with deputies - Jan. 2, 2004

"NAPLES, Fla. (AP) -- The lead guitarist for the rock band Rush skirmished with sheriff's deputies, spat blood on one and was arrested on New Year's Eve after his son refused to leave the stage at a fancy hotel, authorities said."

Alex the asskicker...